The Secretly Most Gangsta Quotes For Your Workout Motivation

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“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” – Thomas Edison

What it really means: That shit literally means ONE. MORE. REP. Get your goddamn ass off the floor and start doing some more reps! I know it hurts, I know you’re wheezing like your lungs just collapsed, I know your thighs are fucked, but goddamn it man, never ever allow yourself to do a bro-rep! You know what they say, “When the going gets tough, the tough get lifting.”

“Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.” – Arnold Glasgow

What it really means: You heard da man, success is fuckin’ simple. Get it together. Master your form and skills, and you’ll get your shit right as well. Learn the fundamentals of the game, never compromise form over reps, try to perfect your timing when you do snatches, and you’ll be pretty fuckin’ dope in no time.

Oh, and speaking of “do what’s right,” never do some fuckery like skip reps or shaving a few seconds off your time. That shit not only dishonors the sport, but also makes you a pussy.

“Poverty was the greatest motivating factor in my life.” – Jimmy Dean

What it really means: A lack of GAINS was the greatest motivating factor in my life! Not having enough swole in my body was the greatest motivating factor in my life! You might not have been born blessed with a jacked physique or the godlike stats of Almighty Rich Froning, but that shit ain’t stopping you.

Make physical poverty your bitch. Show that bastard that you’re not taking this lying down! Do not let your circumstance dictate your swag meter. Got scrawny arms? Chicken legs? OH HELL NO! Get your big fat booty over to the box and pump the shit out of your gains deficiency. RX that shit like a fuckin’ boss!

“The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been.” – Henry Kissinger

What it really means: Coaches, if your damn peeps don’t know how to do a pull-up, or a burpee, or a handstand, or even a squat. Do not call the SQWAT Team just yet. CALM. YOUR. TITTIES. Just keep doing what you do. Take them to school. Teach them the basics, the right movements, the Mamba mentality. And for fuck’s sake, do not ride ‘em ‘til they barf their fuckin’ lunch. That’s bad coaching, ya’ll.

With enough leadership shit, your peeps will be badasses in no time. One day when your students walk in for a WOD, you’ll be all like, “Mama, there goes that man!”

“Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back.” – Babe Ruth

What it really means: Oh you got a DNF? BOO. FUCKIN’. HOO. Get your punk ass back out there! You got your ass handed to you by that barbell today. That’s ok, failure is legit. But you better be out for some sweet revenge after you recuperate. Show that bar who’s boss! Get a good lawyer, cause you’re gonna murder this WOD! Do not let the fear of finishing dead last or not finishing at all hold you back. Unleash the beast within!

Nude CrossFit: This Box Supposedly Does Nude Workouts

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Why stop at taking your shirt off when you can also take your shorts and underwear off as well? Spartan Mentality CrossFit in Aarhus, Denmark reportedly offers a different kind of workout: one that doesn’t involve clothes.

The nude workouts are held Sunday evenings with twelve dudes initially joining the program. No word yet if any ladies are planning to join. *crosses fingers* “People are already so scantily clad at Crossfit that we thought we might as well throw the rest away,” says Steffen Haldrup Andersen, creator and director of the naked Crossfit team.

Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you look at it – Nude CrossFit was actually an April Fool’s joke that people got a little too excited (no pun intended) about. The Copenhagen Post reports:

Nude crossfit was an April Fool’s joke that ran a little too far, explains Rune Jensen, the co-owner and an instructor at Spartan Mentality Crossfit in Aarhus.

“It started out as an April Fool’s joke that got too much attention,” he said.

“We then actually decided to start up the nude sessions, but in the end there was too much media focus on us. It all got a little too comical and we changed our minds. I have no idea how the story went viral.”

The April Fool’s story also said that exercises included the kettlebell – a cast-iron ball with a handle that you swing up above your head and back down between your legs – as well as rope-climbing (but watch out for that rope burn!)

↬ Instinct Magazine

Vibram Barefoot Shoes Are A Hoax, Says Science And The Law

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Are you one of those CrossFitters who love to train in those ridiculous-looking barefoot running shoes? You know, the ones with the toes. If you said yes, you might want to switch to Nanos instead.

Vibram, the company that produces FiveFingers shoes, just settled a class-action lawsuit worth $3.75 million. According to court filings, the company made misleading claims – read: false advertising – over the $100 barefoot running shoes’ health benefits, including:

1) Strengthen muscles in the feet and lower legs
2) Improve range of motion in the ankles, feet, and toes
3) Stimulate neural function important to balance and agility
4) Eliminate heel lift to align the spine and improve posture
5) Allow the foot and body to move naturally

In fact, science begs to differ. “Barefoot running has been touted as improving strength and balance, while promoting a more natural running style,” reads a statement from the American Podiatric Medicine Association. “However, risks of barefoot running include a lack of protection, which may lead to injuries such as puncture wounds, and increased stress on the lower extremities.”

In a 2011 study led by researchers at Birgham Young University, a group of experienced runners were divided into two groups: the control group, who wore traditional running shoes; and the Vibram group, who wore the controversial barefoot running shoes. After 10 weeks of running, MRI scores revealed that half of the Vibram group members developed an inflammation of their bone marrow, which could very well lead to a stress fracture.

So what do you do now with your brand spankin’ new pair of FiveFingers? You get a refund! Or a partial one, at least. Anyone who bought the shoes after March 2009 can submit valid claim forms to receive anywhere between $20 and $94 per pair.

As for Vibram, the settlement effectively prevents them from making any more false claims over their product. “Vibram will not make … any claims that FiveFingers footwear are effective in strengthening muscles or preventing injury unless that representation is true, non-misleading and is supported by competent and reliable scientific evidence,” the federal settlement says.

Bro-tastic Find: Breast Kettlebells

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It doesn’t matter if you’re doing a Russian or an American Kettlebell Swing, if you use these breast-shaped kettlebells, at least one muscle group in your body will get swole. Ehem.

306 Creative Communication Agency, a Ukraine-based ad agency, has come up with these boob-shaped kettlebells to be sold in sporting goods stores and fitness clubs. According to them, these unique set of weights are: “Sports equipment for real men, who think about women all the time even when the iron is held in the hands.” Yes, because that’s a problem we all have every time we go to the box.

These “performance enhancing” kettlebells come in 16, 24, and 32 kilograms, selling for $375, $435, and $495, respectively.